Steve Harvey's best selling book, "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man" and the box office movie "Think Like A Man," spews relationship advice to women and tells some of the secrets of the male pysche. The problem is, women were told how to "think like a man" but they still have no idea what it is to act like a "lady" in a relationship.
The role of the woman in the home and the workplace has changed in the past two generations. I see the difference from my mother's generation to my own. Traditional relationships have been thrown out of the window and with that so have traditional gender roles. A lot of women have no idea what it means to be treated like a lady! So here are the issues:
1) There is a delicate balance in being a strong woman and a lady. A woman's strength comes from being the emotional rock of her family. As a single mother it may come from being able to provide for her child so that an absent father is not missed. No matter what the family dynamic is a woman's worth is always measured by how well and happy her family is. Since the American family has seen a deterioration of the traditional family set, women are more likely to be the head of household, the sole or primary provider and sometimes better educated. If a woman is working, going to school, maintaining a household and raising her children...what would she do when a man steps into the picture?
2) Whether we want to face it or not, it's confusing being a woman in today's society. The music my parents listened to were artists from the 60's and 70's and they were love ballads like: "Have You Seen Her" "Always and Forever" "Who's That Lady" "Natural Woman" and "I'm In The Mood For Love"
What is a young girl to think when listening to these lyrics other than she is a rare commodity...but the young girls that have come up behind me, have been listening to the lyrics of songs like: "My Bitch Bad (Ludacris)" "Birthday Song (2 Chainz)" and I can't really come up with too many more because I don't listen to them often. I wonder what they will think of themselves when they do not have any one to reinforce their worth?
The golden rule of being a woman is that: "A man will only treat you as well as you make him." So, you have to choose your role. Hoes are always going to have a place in society and they have always been around. Understand, money in a man's pockets does not mean that there is quality in his character. Hoes have part-time temporary positions, you want a full-time permanent position with benefits.It is up to the parents to show their daughters that being a hoe should not be an aspiration of theirs just because the song or the urban fiction novel makes it sound like being a princess. Be a woman of quality. Mother's should steer their children to the stories like that of the Queen Sheba, who intrigued King Solomon with her inquisitive mind and not by how low she could drop it (1 Kings).
3) Trauma hits us at a young age. Twice the number of girls (38%) are abused before the age of 18 to boys (16%). Here are some abuse statistics to put things in perspective:
http://womenofsubstance.org/sexabuse.htm
A lot of sexual trauma leads to psychological damage, a tough exterior and a defensive personality.
I know that the first step in getting past a trauma is to admit that it happened. A lot of times admitting that something happened means re-living it.
Trauma is a lot like death, it calls for a grieving process -->
Women find it hard to allow a man to gain her trust after being:
- molested
- raped
- abused
- cheated on
- divorced
4) My male friends have all said that women are too hard to really be considered ladies A good guy is not going to react well to a woman who curses, will not submit in public and will always challenge him. Women, as ladies, do not know how to play their roles, how to be a partner to a man. It is wonderful to be self-sufficient, educated and independent but if you really want to have a companion, understand that a man will not feel like a man if you do not act like a lady. A man wants to feel needed in some way (this is what my male friends told me). 
In closing: My friend said it the best, he said "Cherisse, we were lucky to grow up with our parents the way we did." My generation was the first generation of severe breakdowns in traditional families. In the 1980's we saw more and more families being divorced, more boys and girls growing up in broken homes, without a strong male role model which meant that the female role model was broken in a lot of ways (trauma #3). I am thankful that I have a mother who told me to always set a high standard for the man I invite in my life and how to carry myself as a respectable woman and a father who taught me that men shouldn't swear when I am in a room and should always hold the door for me. More than that, my parents showed me that a relationship did not stand on love alone but on mutual respect and teamwork, a lot of work...
Because I had a father who was always present, I know what to expect from a real man, what one looks like and how to treat/interact with one. If you aren't sure what a functional male-female relationship looks like, look past your situation and to a situation you would like to emulate. Do not ask your single friends for advice if you seek it, ask a male friend that you respect because he knows what men want in a woman.
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